Speaking out and hitting home

What makes a difficult personality- is it someone who tends to see the problems and things that need still to be done rather than to praise the achievements and successes of what has been delivered? I am thought to be blunt, direct, lacking in thought, insensitive and confrontational- and these are just the views of my family! Yet others tell me I am thoughtful, sensitive, patient, tolerant and a good listener. I sometimes struggle to understand which version of me people are getting and how much I am letting God down in how I conduct myself. I always feel that I act  consistently and that I am “a what you see is what you get” personality. Is it just possible that those  who are closest to me are likely to get the harshest treatment because I love them the most? Jeff Lucas has in the past made fun of  Christians who use the phrase “speaking the truth in love”, as a thinly veiled excuse for giving someone a verbal kicking. Throughout my life I have always got into difficulties when speaking up or taking a stand, so should I stop?  Thanks once more to Nick Fawcett’s Daily Prayer who reveals a truth through prayer that is tailor made for me:

“Help me to know when it is not only right but necessary to speak, and when such moments come, give me wisdom, sensitivity and courage, so that i will know the words to say and be enabled to say them. Give me that rare ability to speak the truth in love..Loving God, help me to speak your challenging, reforming and renewing word of truth, for your name’s sake. Amen.”

So, it’s not so much what I say as when and how I say it and the motivation of my heart in raising it. Let me be a builder up more than a knocker down!

Carrying on

During weeks like this faithfulness and stamina are hard to come by.It’s been a tough week for me. I am juggling a couple of projects, with key members of the team away or posts vacant. There has been a great deal to do in a fast-shrinking time-frame and sometime it feels just as the top of the hill is being reached ,the clouds come down and time is spent just finding out exactly where I am as visibility becomes challenging and the hope of making the summit in good time slips away. Thank God for friends, family and hard-working colleagues at times like these. Once again I take encouragement from Nick Fawcett’s Daily Prayer as he writes:

“Lord God, you know that life isn’t always easy. There are times when I feel exhausted, overwhelmed and defeated.Remind me then of those who have gone before, keeping the faith, and running the race with perseverance. Remind me of Jesus, his willingness to endure the cross for my sake. Remind me of my responsibility to those who will come after me…Lord Jesus Christ, inspire me through your love and the great company of those who have gone before me, to persevere and run the race, to the glory of your name. Amen.”

Free speech

One of the risks in blogging about a whole range of things (and not censoring comments) is that from time to time some correspondents will get fixated on single issues. The purpose of this blog is to share with you my continued journey as an unfinished Christian and invite you to play your part in helping me along the way. I guess I’d hoped that my musings would appeal to others who consider themselves unfinished Christians or work-in-progress followers of Jesus. Well, I know of few of you reading this fit this description, but since I blogged about the BNP  I have had a handful of persistent correspondents who make it their business to justify particular theological positions and excercise their freedom of speech -that well-known catch all  for the right to say anything however offensive or unlated to the purpose of this blog. So, should I continue to keep comments on this blog unedited and put up with anything and everything that comes my way or do I block the people running obvious agendas? I honestly don’t know, but in the meantime I want to pray that we all need to look beyond, colour, culture and creed to the person underneath- the person that Christ died for. In Acts we read that, “God has shown me I should not call anyone impure or unclean. I recognise how true it is that God does not show partiality, but accpets people from every nation who fear him and do his will.” As ever, Nick Fawcett gets it right in Daily Prayer-

Living God, teach me that you did not just make some but all people in your likeness, and so teach me to value and respect everyone in the family of humankind. Through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.

The inescapable call

Over the past few months I have listened to scores of people about the nature of how God calls us into ministry and service. I have personally found it really unsettling experiencing God  guiding me into situations in which I am personally uncomfortable; yet  once there -channeling something of God’s purpose and love to others. It has been a process of breaking me down and rebuilding me, slowly and gradually to appreciate that when I do things in God’s strength rather than mine amazing things can happen out of simple conversations. It has made me realise just how unfinished I am as a Christian, and also how complacent I have been for decades. I know that I still don’t take enough risks for the gospel. I now appreciate that feeling challenged and unsettled is something I have to get used to as I work out, if I can, the nature of  God’s inescapable call.

Nick Fawcett puts this well in his Daily Prayer book- a constant companion of mine:

“Gracious God, I thanks you for your call: the invitation to be part of the work of your kingdom. I thank you that you welcome me as I am- with all my faults and doubts- and that though I fail you repeatedly, still you want to use me in your service. Gracious God, I praise you for that inescapable sense of call that you give; help me to respond. In the name of Christ. Amen.”

I hope this is a prayer we can all say.

A glorious mystery

Today is Trinity Sunday when the Christian Church has a focus on how God has reveled himself as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This is a sticking point of Christian doctrine that prevents many engaging fully with the faith- they simply can’t get their head around this glorious mystery. How can one person become three and why and where and when?  I am not a learned theologian and have not answers to this mystery that will give doubters the answer that they seek- it simply doesn’t make logical sense- but that doesn’t make it any less real does it? As Nick Fawcett writes in his prayer for Trinity Sunday in Daily Prayer:

 “It reminds us of a truth we cannot afford to forget: that God is beyond the human intellect, defying expression, greater than we can ever conceive. We cannot explain how the pieces fit together but we know that they do, for we have experienced the truth ourselves. If we imagine that we have solved the mystery and that the full wonder of God is firmly in our sights, then it is time to think again, for if we ever think that, then the truth is that we have lost sight of him altogether. Sovereign God, Father Son and Holy Spirit. teach me to live with mystery, and simply to celebrate each day my many experiences of your love. Amen.”

So God not one person but a community of persons made one through their mutual love. The mystics and theologians have speculated long and abstractly on these matters, and we continue to do so until God settles the issue. In the meantime lets draw meaning and inspiration and give thanks by using the words of  the peace for Trinity Sunday:

Peace be to you from God our heavenly Father. Peace from his Son Jesus Christ who is our peace. Peace from the Holy Spirit, the life-giver. The peace of the triune God be always with you. And we continue to give you thanks because you have revealed the glory of your eternal fellowship of love with your Son and with the Holy Spirit three persons equal in majesty, undivided in splendour, yet one God ever to be worshipped and adored.

May you discover peace, comfort and inspiration this Trinity Sunday and see more of the glorious oneness of love, mystery and hope.

Hearing the truth in love

In the job I do, I have to contend with a number of folks with big egos- sometimes this is challenging. Sometimes these people will ask me “what do you think?” in response to a talk or piece of work they have produced, but they don’t really want to hear any criticism, however constructive. They  just a good old ego massage and the truth is I am not really good at it.. The truth can hurt and few of us find it easy to be honest in an awkward situation, and fewer still relish having the truth spoken to them. In his Daily Prayer, for today Nick Fawcett reminds us the importance of having the courage to see ourselves as we really are and to find the spur to rectify our faults, or to listen to others who have the courage to speak the painful truth to us. Nick proposes this prayer:

God of truth, you know me better than I know myself. You search my heart and mind, seeing me as I really am and confronting me with my true self. Forgive me that all too often I shy away from what is hard to accept, refusing to countenance anything that contradicts my self image. I find it so difficult to be honest, closing my ears to truths I would rather not hear. I avoid those who challenge and disturb me, preferring instead those who sooth and flatter my ego.

Thank you for all those with the rare gift of speaking the truth in love, not spitefully, vindictively, or harshly, not from any ulterior motives, but because they genuinely care. Thank you for those willing to risk my resentment, retaliation or rejection, in order to help me grow us an individual. God of all, give me humility and meekness of spirit, so that i may be ready to listen and examine myself, ready to ask searching questions about who I am and to change where necessary, ready to face the truth.

Gracious God, help me to open my life to your searching gaze and so open my heart to your redeeming love.Through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.

Closed minds

The other day I was discussing an issue with a friend of mind and try as I might, I couldn’t get him to see my point of view at all. I think this is commonly known as “agreeing to differ”- each of us believed passionately that our own position was so right we tried to convince the other to adopt it. We both had closed our minds on the issue and left no room for manoeuvre. Once again Nick Fawcett’s Daily Prayer came to my rescue. Nick writes:

“Gracious God, you speak to me in all kinds of ways, through all kinds of people- forgive me that I am sometimes closed to what you have to say. I avoid that which challenges, disturbs or unsettles me, preferring to criticise and condemn rather than face the issues raised. Forgive me that I shut my ears to what I don’t agree with, rather than listen to another point of view; that I am reluctant to accept new and unfamiliar ideas, taking refuge instead in what is tried and tested. Forgive me that I can become so bogged down in what I think is right, so sure of my own convictions and set in my ways that I resent anything new. Open my heart to the living reality of Christ, my mind to the sweeping breath of your Holy Spirit, and my soul to all that you would do and say; and so help me truly to live as one of your people….. God of all, break though the barriers that shut my mind fast, and help me to see things both as they really are and as you can help them become. Move within me, in the name of Christ. Amen.”

Living with doubt

Over the past few days I have spending time with some great people. These are people who put God first in their lives and take risks for the Gospel. These are people who have sold property,uprooted families and moved them 100s of miles to new locations; these are people who love those on the margins of society; they given up jobs and taken salary cuts to serve Jesus. At times the work has been tough as they serve God in evangelism and mission- it has not all been plain sailing. Some of the people I have spoken to have been exhausted, let down, disappointed and many have had doubts. I opened my Daily Prayer book from Nick  Fawcett and this was today’s entry and it is my prayer for my friends this week:

“Gracious God, I come today confessing my faith, yet acknowledging also my doubt- the many things I don’t understand, the statements of faith that don’t make sense, the events of life that seem to contradict everything I believe about you. There are times when I am sure what I believe and times when I am uncertain. Give me sufficient trust in you to acknowledge all my questions openly, and sufficient humility to offer each of you honestly in prayer. Save me from taking refuge is hollow words or empty ritual, but teach me rather to face the challenges life brings and to work through my faith in the light of them. Having been tested, may my faith grow stronger, able to face all and still to stand. Through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.”

He was dead

Tonight I am off to a murder mystery evening. I have never been to one before but I know that someone will be killed, yet at the end of the evening they will be back to take their bow- it is make believe, the death will not really happen and we will all be just acting out a story for a purpose. Today is Holy Saturday-Christ is dead in the tomb, the disciples are bereft, and the world is ignorant of hope. We sit here over 2,000 years later and we know how the story ends and, because we do, there is a real danger that we fail to forget the significance of the day in between – the time he was dead and all hope was dead, the mission was over. To the people and the disciples and to the religious leaders of the day Jesus  had failed to bring in the new kingdom he talked about and was no different to  any other holy man or prophet that had been before.  As Nick Fawcett’s entry for Easter Eve in his book Daily Prayer says; ” Jesus was dead…He was laid limp and lifeless in a tomb, and a stone rolled against the entrance. Humanly speaking it was over, the end of a wonderful ministry and an unforgettable man. He had shared our life; he had shared our death. If the story was to continue, it was out of human hands- it was down to God.”

The mystery of what Christ achieved in death I will leave to the theologians, but Tarjei Park suggested  in his reflection of the crucifixion; “He was crucified, dead, and buried: He descended into hell. What was Jesus doing in hell? He was looking for his friend Judas Iscariot. Judas had done something so wrong he could not forgive himself, and feeling incapable of being forgiven, in bitter tears of regret, he hanged himself. Well, Jesus went looking for him, and in hell he found him. He walked over to him and kissed him, and took his hand. Miracles occur in hell.”

Inscribed on a cellar wall in Cologne where some Jews has hidden for the entire duration of the Second World War were these lines:

I believe in the sun, even when it doesn’t shine. I believe in love, even when I don’t feel it. I believe in God, even when He is silent.

On that first Easter eve ,God fell very silent and many wondered if they would ever here from him again. No word, no sign, no hope.

Changing our tune

 Earlier this week Newcastle United welcomed with adulation the news that geordie legend Alan Shearer was appointed manager until the end of the season. Yet only a few months ago they had welcomed back another legend King Kev- Kevin Keegan to lift the Gallowgate end faithful after Newcastle had made a faltering start to the season. But the dream didn’t work out and Keegan departed. As someone said this week ,the Magpies are fast running out of Messiahs ,and Shearer failed to make the dream start he’d hoped for as his team went down to Chelsea in front of his adoring fans at St James’s Park. Newcastle United fans are a patient lot, a faithful crowd of supporters who pack out St James’s Park week in week out with very little to show for their allegiance. But how long will it be before they turn on Alan Shearer if he fails to steer them to Premier League safety. But I suspect even the most cynical Newcastle fans  will give him more than a week.

Today the church remembers how the people of Jerusalem welcomed into the city their own Messiah, riding on a donkey entering the city gates to the cries of Hosanna to the son of David- their hero was here and he was going to sort out all their problems and save them from Roman occupation and put them back where they felt they belonged. Within a week, possibly many of the same people who’d welcomed in Jesus as King were calling for his execution. I know that they say that a week is a long time in politics, but it seems like an eternity compared with first century Judea.

Once more I borrow with thanks from Nick Fawcett’s excellent little book Daily Prayer with a reflection for this Palm Sunday. Nick quotes from Luke’s gospel about the reaction of Jesus to the adulation from the crowd; “As he caught sight of the city , he wept over it, saying, ‘if  only you recognised this day the things that make for peace! Instead though , they are hidden from your eyes!” Jesus knew the expectations the people had of him as liberator would not be fulfilled in the way they imagined, and that they would turn against him in a most dramatic fashion. As Nick writes; “Palm Sunday is a day that challenges us concerning our loyalty, asking how ready we are to follow when faith is demanding and the going gets tough. Thank God, it is also about the one who, however often we may change our tune, stays faithful to us to the point of death….we need to thank God that though I am faithful to you in so little, you are faithful in so much; that though I repeatedly change my tune, your love never fails.”

Some Newcastle fans give what must seem their life, wealth and best years of support to a club that has struggled to achieve the success of many of their rivals.  They have my best wishes for the remainder of this season and who knows, Shearer may well be the answer. Sometimes as a church we see very little return on our faith and our prayers but think,  how must the disciples have felt as they experience the adulation of the crowd and yet only a week later fled in fear of their lives as their master was executed.Christians have only one Messiah- a servant King- to pin our hopes on….and we trust and pray that he delivers much more than a place in the Premier League !